Do revenge right
Creative fodder #2
Derek is a fuckboi name, just like Chad is. Especially when it’s spelled Derrick. I don’t make the rules. That’s just how she wrote it.
So, imagine: a Derek/Derrick screws you over*, you appropriately, or at least metaphorically, “threw your his shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs” as Icona Pop immortalized. Now what?
*Note: this fuckery is something more common than heartbreak, more singeing to the spirit: disappointment.
You do revenge.
It’s better than Larry David’s spite store.
Emma Chamberlain did a podcast episode late last year that caught my eye. The title was simply: revenge.
Within the first minute she shares: “Revenge has been on my mind recently because I recently was wronged by someone.” And: “…the thing about revenge is that someone doesn't have to burn your house down in attempt to kill you, for you to wanna seek revenge. I truly do believe that to be human is to, at times crave revenge, even when it's not for something that big, like, you know what I mean?”
Revenge isn’t always caused by some kind of Emily Thorne-level catalyst followed by an elaborate takedown.
The best kind of retribution is honest. Innocent even? Not an eye for an eye or some biblical shit. Revenge is more like trying to right the wrong, tip the scale back. It’s justice when there’s no system to help you.
Here’s how Emma put it:
…it's more about telling the truth about the person. If someone wrongs me, I just wanna tell everyone the story. you know? Like that's what revenge looks like to me. It's like I wanna tell everyone the story. And, I wanna out them almost warning everybody like, ‘Hey, look, this is what type of person this is. Look what they did. Look at the mistake they made’, putting it all out there. That's what revenge almost always tends to look like.
—anything goes with emma chamberlain,
That’s why storytelling is SO powerful. It gives us the ability to reclaim the narrative. It’s one of the hardest things to have that taken away from you by someone else—but the reality is that you can always take it back. It just might look different than your ideal IRL scenario. Because…
It might be fictional.
The willingness to allow the mindset shift to take your revenge through a fanfic lens, it’s the kind of satisfaction that I imagine smoking after sex brings. Speaking of… let me introduce you to the OG revenge girlie:
Harriette Wilson, memoir queen
According to the Dangerous Woman Project from the University of Edinburgh, Harriette was threatened, “Publish and be damned!”, by the Duke of Wellington. She was a courtesan—kind of like a professional girlfriend to men of high society in the Regency scene. When she was nearly 40, and aging out of the job, she found a way to get revenge for being left without the financial support she was promised. She gave her former companions notice of her plans to detail their relationships in her memoir. No holds barred. Unless, they’d opt to be exclude—a consideration extended in the form of payment. Her memoirs are considered “the first kiss and tell”. Epic, right?
The betrayed woman reaches for her pen.
—”The Courtesan’s Revenge: The Life of Harriette Wilson, The Woman Who Blackmailed The King” by Frances Wilson
Now this is not to say that revenge should end up in or be decided by blackmail. What Harriette did was take revenge for being “thrown away” by these men who gave her empty promises throughout the years, after she delivered on her end. No, it was payback and pay up in the most dignified way possible at the time. While this kept her out of society, she earned thousands of pounds from her book and became a Victorian best-seller.
Let’s unlearn feeling powerless
Like Harriette, the power is yours. Always. No one can take it from you, even when it may feel as if they have.
While you can’t control others, what you can control is your perspective. That’s where channeling revenge into creativity is a healthier coping method than, say, spiraling in a never ending rage blackout.
When channeling any raw feelings into your work, it’s always important to check yourself first so you know you’re approaching it in the healthiest way possible. Instagram therapists are especially helpful for this (and fabulously free!)
1. Distinguish unhealthy revenge from healthy revenge:
Via @weatherlycamacholpc.therapist:
You know, I’ve heard some really great revenge stories in my time as a therapist. However, almost universally, acting on revenge does nothing but keep you tethered to that which is harming you.
When we act from our value system, we are collecting data about who we •actually• are, and not who we were •told• we are.
This encourages self-trust, empowerment, and breaks shame cycles that we carry with us.
While no one would question your desire to punish, ultimately it’s you who has to live with your choices and the consequences therein.
Make sure that your actions remain about YOU and not in response to others. Let go, and let them live with themselves. Believe me, sometimes that’s punishment enough.
Keep the focus on you.
+ Resource
Get in touch with your values in the workbook that accompanies this podcast episode:
Episode 1: How to craft your creative ethics
In today’s debut episode of About The Soufflé you get a front seat into the crossover that I live for: curiosity and creativity. It’ll take you on a ride through real estate, reality TV, and a strange million dollar beach house. Of course, it all loops back to creative actions you can take to help transform your creativity from spotty situationship to committed bliss.
2. Make sure it comes from self-compassion, not ego:
Via @the.holistic.psychologist:
The ego loves revenge or getting even.
It becomes fixated on how another person can experience the same pain they gave us. It does this through thoughts (+ lots of stories) that solidify how wronged we were.
We believe the illusion that this will make us feel better or take the pain away.
And, in the process we keep re-living the experience in our mind over + over. The body lives it again too.
We keep hurting ourselves in our unconscious desire to control our life experience.
Revenge is self harm.
Our work is to begin to forgive ourselves. To sit in silence + say: “I choose to forgive.”
To breathe as we tell ourselves “I trust life + it’s natural consequences.”
True power is PEACE of mind. Meditate on it. Ask for it when it feels out of reach. Believe in it + it comes easier
This act of creativity we’re exploring can also feel like forgiveness—which is a gift we give to ourselves (aka it’s not for the other person, it’s for your benefit only.) Lean into that as we move forward…
Let’s curate it
Starting with some perfect words from the inspirational champion for creatives, Amie McNee of
…
Your art is the salve to someone’s pain.
—Amie McNee
…Sometimes that pain is your own.
When using real life for creative fuel, I like to look to the teachings of Marshall Vandruff, a fabulous, Sleepy Time Tea-voiced (compliment!) professor of classic drawing, painting, and storytelling.
In a favorite class of his, Mining Your Life for Story Material, he recommends making two columns. One with existing characters/avatars/designs that are purely fictional. The other with people you know. This is where a magical blend of life and fiction begins. He prompts these poignant questions:
1. Fiction + reality
• Could any of these characters be more interesting and more real if I were to find these real people in them?
2. Voice
• Who do you imitate?
• Who in your family?
• Who of your friends?
• How does your family imitate you?
• Who can you argue with in your imagination and know what they’ll say next?
• What pet phrases can you not stand?
• What pet phrases did you pick up from others?
• Who changes their voice when they get irritated?
The rhythm of the speech and the way people talk... That’s frequently a way that we… get into imagining characters… It frequently starts with the way they talk.
—Joel Coen, 1997
This observation of voice is the start for many SNL characters—so it doesn’t have to be dramatic or scathing. It can be funny and respectful too.
3. Morals
Who do you know that has acted:
• Recklessly?
• Unjustly?
• Treacherously?
Who do you know that has acted:
• Wisely?
• Bravely?
• Courageously?
4. Surprises
• Who has surprised you? Or changed dramatically? (ie. the most trustworthy betrays, or the funny person becomes sardonic.)
The above is a brief excerpt for educational purposes. You can find the entire class—which covers character, setting, events, and structure—here. Or if you’d like a 17-minute sneak peek at the first lesson on characters, it’s free on YouTube:
Remember: voice, morals, and surprises can be represented visually too. While the above is intended primarily for writing, it also can be translated into purely visual/design mediums. After all, every creation has a backstory.
Have a betrayal or revenge story you’d like to vent about? Or an idea of how to turn it into something better creative? Let’s support each other in the comments and turn the feels into fun!
Until next time,
Any typos are proof of life (aka evidence that an actual human wrote this.)